We made it home.....Now who is going to help me?

We walked in the NICU Saturday morning for our daily 9am feeding. Chris and I were just told the day prior that Gianluca would most likely be going home Monday- Wednesday of the following week. We had prepared for this mentally and planned on doing a few outstanding things prior to his arrival home. That morning the nurse informed me that Luca had hit his goal of 8 bottles and was being looked at for early discharge. They asked me if I would like to "room in" with him that evening at the hospital for a type of "trial run". This way if I had any questions about taking care of a preemie, I would have a readily available staff of well qualified individuals there to assist me. I ABSOLUTELY took them up on this offer.  Gianluca and I made it through the night....through the feedings every three hours, pumping after each feeding, operating the monitor that goes home with him that regulates his respiratory and heart rates, and consistently going over what to do in the event he stops breathing.....I have never felt more unequipped for a situation in my life!!!! For the record...I rarely like doing things that I..

a. haven't prepared for  

b. haven't calculated the probability of failure to success...  and 

c. has anything to do with being responsible for the life of another :) ..... 

In this case...a, b, and c were taking place simultaneously! None the less....we made it...and I couldn't help but find peaceful beauty in the fact that my son and I got a chance to spend the night together...just figuring each other out!

                                                                           First bath

 Take home baby monitor... blessing in disguise. This gem allows Chris and I to actually get sleep instead of hovering over the baby making sure he breathes. If something were to go wrong, it sounds an alarm that resembles that of a tsunami siren....can't miss it :)

                                                             Baby love at 3am...

Chris and I came back to the hospital Sunday morning to pick up our baby and bring him home. I have never in my life been more nervous than I was in that moment. I felt like throwing up, crying, jumping out of the car, and/or stopping to get a bottle of champ to both celebrate and  drowned myself with in hopes it would aide in getting me through this moment....As we walked in, my heart never felt so much love. He was ours and he was coming home to be a part of our growing family. 

It has been two days and I am proud to say that my opinions of mothers have completely changed. It is by far...the hardest, most selfless, exhausting job i have ever had...and again...I'm only two days in hahah.

To sum up this experience so far...I have never felt so connected to two human beings than I do to my husband and baby boy. My loyalty to them will never cease. 

"True love is boundless like the ocean and, swelling within one, spreads itself out and, crossing all boundaries and frontiers, envelops the whole world" 

— Mahatma Gandhi

                                                                            In progress...